Sometimes I feel like I’m just copying what Noel is doing over on his blog. However, since he’s one of the pastors at the church I attend, it would make sense that the things he’s talking about are the things that I’m thinking about.
This weekend, he gave a wonderful sermon about submitting like Jesus. (You can hear it here.) As a part of that sermon, he talked about submission within the context of a marriage, a message I had never really heard before. Within his own message, Noel referenced a message from Matt Chandler on the idea of submission within marriage, which you can listen to here.
There are a lot of interesting things in these messages for married couples, and it left me trying to figure out what they meant for the rest of us. I’m not married. Some day, I probably will be, so I mean, I can look forward to putting these messages to good use then. But is there any way that these messages apply to me now?
I’m dating, and, in theory, dating is a precursor to marriage. So if I know what the biblical model of marriage is, then in theory, I should know what I’m looking for when I’m dating – someone with whom I can have that kind of marriage with. How do I learn that about someone? I don’t know, but I’m going to pray and try and figure it out. If you have any advice on how I might be able to do that, please, share it.
I don’t know exactly what the biblical model of dating would look like, and I’m not even sure if their is one. There is a biblical model of marriage though, and if we know what we’re supposed to be aiming for, that can probably be a good guide into how we should be conducting ourselves while we date, with God at the center of everything.
January 16, 2010 at 4:07 pm
I recently came across your blog in a somewhat random way and it has been quite interesting to me. This post has given me some good thought starters on Christian dating. While I’m certainly no expert on the subject, it strikes close to my heart. I’d like to offer some advice that may be helpful and also get some more of your thoughts in this area.
Most important is the biblical admonition not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14). Since dating is mainly a means to finding your future spouse, it’s essential not to be romantically involved with someone who doesn’t share your Christian beliefs. Even a girl who considers herself a Christian may not really know Jesus. Catholics, for example, all claim Christianity, but how many of them are really truly committed to Jesus? Discernment is key.
The principle also applies to “missionary dating” where you date someone with the intention of converting them. Of course it’s important to share your faith in Christ with everyone, but dating is not the proper context. It NEVER works and often leads to the “missionary” compromising and possibly even being led astray. Let me tell you from experience that every step away from God makes it a thousand times harder to find your way back.
One question you posed was how do you learn if someone is the kind of person you can have a God-centered marriage with. First, you have to get to know them well as friends first. If they meet the standard of sharing your Christian beliefs, then and only then should you enter into a romantic relationship. This is the testing phase. It is essential that your dating relationship is God-centered from the very beginning to have any chance of developing into a God-centered marriage. What does it mean to have a God-centered relationship? It means you talk in an open way about what God is teaching each of you, how He is working in your lives, and what His will is for both of you individually and as a couple. On the same level, praying together should be a regular practice. Without these things, your relationship cannot honor God.
I hope I’ve been able to give you some useful insight. Now I have a few questions for you so maybe I can benefit from your experience. You mentioned you are dating. How do you incorporate God into your dating? Do you attend church together and discuss the sermons? Do you study the Bible together? Do you serve together? What other activities do you use to make God the center of your relationship? I’m interested to hear your ideas about this.
One last piece of advice: if you ever find yourself in a relationship that is not God-centered, end it fast!